Anchors Away! (Part 2 of 2)

Last week I wrote about one of two clients who shared a similar experience – letting go of an anchor that was keeping them tied down.  The result has surprised them both.  Anchors in our lives can keep us grounded and can provide a sense of permanence.  Anchors can also weigh us down and hold us back.

Here’s what happened:

Anchor 2.  Marsha developed a friendship with her manicurist, Sally.  During her monthly manicure they would talk and have a good time.  Soon they were sharing personal information as friends often do.  The friendship grew and they started socializing outside of the monthly manicure.

Sally quickly became a “needy” friend and would keep Marsha on the phone for hours.  Of course, Marsha allowed herself to be sucked into the emotional mess.  Marsha struggled with her friend’s “need” to vent, share, complain.  She wanted to be a good friend, but the relationship was beginning to wear on her.  Marsha had never learned to say no.  She was a “doer for others” kind of person – which she took pride in.

The last conversation Marsha had with Sally grew into an argument and then it hit Marsha – I’m done, she declared, our friendship is over.  Stunned, Sally asked Marsha where she was going to get her manicures?

Result – Marsha felt a huge sense of relief when she knew she would not be friends with Sally anymore.  She has less stress, is calm and able to handle anything.  She had no idea what a weight that relationship had been.

Inspiration 1:  Set boundaries.  Particularly with negative complainers.  Don’t be surprised when you don’t allow someone to complain around you, they may find someone else to talk to.

Inspiration 2:  It’s ok to change a friendship.  Some friendships work for a lifetime, some for a little while.  If you’re finding yourself wanting to avoid an old friend, it might be time to cut the ties.

Inspiration 3:  Doer for others.  It’s wonderful to do things for others, when you do it at your own expense, you’re defeating the purpose.  Doing for others should give you energy and joy – if that changes it’s time to start taking care of yourself.

Inspiration 4:  Red flags.  When conversations with friends and colleagues are consistently about them and you become an afterthought – or no thought – in the conversation, it might be time to cut back the friendship.  Relationships are give and take, not just give.

What anchors do you have in your life?  What have you let go of lately?  Any tips to make these transitions smoother?  Leave your comments below.

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