Assertive vs. Aggressive

There are many definitions for assertive and aggressive behavior in the workplace.  The definition that works for me is:

To be assertive, you are confident and direct in putting forward your views.  To be aggressive, you are trying to control someone else.  Aggression is a form of intimidation.

I recently read an article in the Harvard Business Review that points out leaders need to work on being assertive.  “More harm is done when people aren’t assertive enough than by being too assertive.”  Keeping your opinions and ideas hidden doesn’t get you anywhere.

Couple your leadership skills with assertiveness and you’ll have an effective complement for success.  Here are some tips:

Tip 1:  Don’t take no for an answer.  I recently coached a client to stand up for what she wanted.  She wanted to be part of an outside board that she knew would enhance her current position and the organization she worked for.  Even though she was told “no” by her boss, she insisted on having a meeting with her boss and the CEO.  Taking the time to assert her views and understand all sides, she cleared the air and was encouraged to join the board.

Tip 2:  Teamwork and collaboration.  As a team leader your job is to create a safe environment for team members to make their views known – even when they aren’t popular.  When all team members are able to participate fully, the team product is strengthened.

Tip 3:  Change leadership.  Real change doesn’t happen passively.  You must challenge old habits and find new ways to approach goals.  Old habits die hard, resistance to change – even positive change – takes action on the leader’s part.  You must be assertive and have commitment to communicate and implement true change.

Tip 4:  Communicate completely.  I work with many managers who tell staff what they want them to do and forget to explain the consequences of not doing what they have been told to do.  Some forget to say why they want something done.  Painting the whole picture for your employees will go a long way toward success.

Tip 5:  Integrity.  It’s not enough to know what is right, you must be prepared to voice that as well.  In meetings, when decisions are going against a company policy or value, that needs to be expressed and discussed openly.  Integrity is an activity, not just internal communication.

For many, assertiveness is about taking risks.  It may be uncomfortable at first.  When you feel uncomfortable, you are most likely growing.  To get ahead and stay ahead in your career, you’ve got to assert yourself – there is no success fairy that will pluck you out from obscurity.

What’s been your experience?  Please share your comments below.

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