Balance(?)
You’re kidding right? How many books, seminars, articles, online programs promise to teach you to live a balanced life? Somewhere, out there, someone has just enough home life, work life, me time, spouse time, volunteer time, mom/dad time – all rolled into one perfect life. Do you really believe that? Want a good deal on a bridge?
Get real – this is not something to strive for, waste time reading about or pay money to attend a seminar. COLD HARD FACT: There is no balance! Before you delete this blog from your computer – read on and see if this makes sense.
Thought 1: The simple act of striving for balance is stressful. When you’re at work, if you’re thinking you should be home, you’ll be stressed. When you’re at home and you’re thinking about what you should get done at work, you’ll be stressed. Stop the guilt and bad feelings. If those thoughts start invading your brain, make a conscious effort to turn them off. Focus on the task at hand – whether you are washing dishes, answering email, tying your children’s shoelaces or sitting in an important meeting – stay present wherever you are. This takes practice and gets easier over time.
Thought 2: Life is messy. Stuff happens. Plans get changed. Traffic pops up at just the wrong time. Instead of letting out a deep sigh, or worse, try another approach. Accept what has happened – you’re not in control of all the stuff. Fighting against it will serve to increase your blood pressure and drain your energy. Say to yourself, “what can I do about this?” and if you have an answer, do it. You can always do something about a situation, even if it’s only an attitude change on your part. I’ve trained myself to say “Wow” – that’s it, a neutral observation that something has not gone the way I had planned.
Thought 3: Perfect is over-rated. I equate perfect with balance. Everything operating the way it should, running like a well oiled machine, no stress. My life is perfect in its imperfections. My business has too much or not enough work. Invitations to fun events usually land on the exact same day – why the fun can’t be spread out during those empty weekends, I’ll never know. When I travel at least 50% of the time the flight is cancelled, delayed, turbulent or the worst – I get stuck in a middle seat. My strategy is not to get too invested in the details of how my life “should” be and embrace how it is. Too much or little work – I work more or less. I’m a “first come” event picker and don’t pay attention to those events I can’t attend. I always take extra reading or work when traveling – to relish those extra down time hours. It’s all about what is, not what could be.
Thought 4: Whatever is most important in the moment, you will spend time on. You’ve read this before – you have a choice about what you do – home, work, me time, etc. Own your choice, don’t fight it. Practice saying, this is what I choose to do. It won’t create perfect balance. It will create peace of mind – or a little less stress.
What do you think when you think of balance? Do you have any tips to share that reduce your stress? Are you striving to achieve a balanced life? Leave your comments below.
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Holly, thank you so much for this excellent blog. For those who already strive to let go a bit, it’s a great reminder as we head into the holidays. For those who are still hooked on the balance myth, perhaps they’ll print this blog out and read it every day. Practice, practice, practice ….
Well said Eliza! Thank you for your comments. Happy Thanksgiving to you!
Holly
Let me be transparent and share this: a few weekends ago my wife and I were down visiting our daughter at college. While we were in Walmart shopping together, I drifted away and sat in the front of the store to read my email and make a couple of calls. We all reconnected, left, and went back to her dorm room to help her put things away. The next morning, my wife and I were at breakfast at the hotel. She told me that our daughter had asked her the night before what was wrong with me. What hit me was that I was physically present but not mentally and emotionally present. It hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks. I later asked for my daughter’s forgiveness and told her it would not happen again (YES…I spoke those words more for my own ears so I would hold myself accountable). The lesson for me: BE THERE…both body AND mind. Stuff will always be happening. That is still NO excuse for not being present.
Holly, HERE ! HERE!
Kevin –
Great story! I love it when life hits you over the head with a life lesson! Sometimes it takes a two by four to learn a lesson. Love the lesson and thanks for the reminder. Always making sure you are there – where ever there is – and that the whole you is there is so important.
Thank you for the story illustration – ouch and great recovery.
Holly