Listen Up!

Are you a great listener?  For some this comes so naturally – for others, we get caught up in our own world and find it difficult to really listen to others.  Time to check in with ourselves!

There are three levels of listening.  

1. Surface listening.  This is when you’re distracted and not really paying attention.  You know that you’re doing this when the person talking to you keeps repeating themselves.  Whether you’re on the phone or in person, talking to someone and checking email, cleaning the kitchen or folding laundry.  You think you’re multi-tasking, you’re actually disrespecting the person talking to you!

Tip:  Put everything aside and give your full attention to the talker.  The conversation will be a lot shorter and you’ll build a stronger relationship.

2. Listening with an agenda.  Have you ever listened to find a place to put your own thoughts through?  This usually occurs when you’ve got something to say and you want the conversation to be about you, not the other person.  I’ve found this happens a lot when I’m interviewing someone.  The individual is so concerned about their information, they don’t listen to the questions I’m asking.

Tip:  Leave your ego at the door.  Make the conversation about the other person, not you.  When, and only when, the person has completed their thoughts will they be in a position to listen to you.

3. Active listening.  This is when you are listening with no agenda at all, you are gathering information.  This builds the strongest relationships.

Here are some active listening steps that you can play with:

a.  Blend – nod your head in agreement – even if you have no idea what they are talking about.  Say uh ha, etc.  Repeat back what they said.  When they start repeating themselves it is a signal to step forward.

b.  Backtracking – use the exact words they are using – they will feel heard.  How much you do depends on who you are talking to.

c.  Clarify – ask clarifying questions – open ended questions – information gathering mode rather than a reactionary one.  Tell me more about ….  Who are we talking about….  This can slow down a situation and help the other person compose themselves.

d.  Summarize what you’ve heard.  This way the person can fill in the blanks and feel that they have been heard.

e.  Confirm – Ask if there is anything else?

What has your experience been?  Leave a comment below so we can learn from what has worked for you.

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