Walking on egg shells?

Have you ever worked with someone who is really defensive?  

Supervised someone who gets angry when you give them feedback?

Challenged you every time you say something about being late?  “You don’t understand!  You’re picking on me!”

Or one of my personal favorites – the blame-shift reaction:  “The problem is that we are understaffed!”

There is a great approach when people have reactions to whatever is said to them.  You can use this approach for all kinds of reactions.

You begin to discuss the issue at hand.  Concentrate on the behavior or results, not the person or personality.  Some examples are productivity isn’t correct, someone is late, deadlines aren’t being met.

Step 1 is to Acknowledge their concerns:  

“I can tell by your tone of voice that you are really upset about this.”

“I would be upset if I thought I was being picked on.”

“I understand that you feel overwhelmed by the current volume of work.”

Step 2 is to Speak to their interests:

“You have been here a long time, and you do have a lot of experience.” 

“You are a good employee and I want you to be successful here.”

“I would like to resolve this in a way that is fair to everyone.”

Step 3 is to Discuss the facts, not the emotions of the situation:  

“Since we started measuring everyone’s performance most people are producing x and you are producing y.  How do you feel we should address this?” 

“I’ve observed you coming in late more frequently than other people, and you indicated that you’re having trouble because of your circumstances.  Where can we go from here?” 

“Your department has the proper amount of people and all that we can afford given the current economic circumstances.  What can we do to make sure the work gets done on time?”

You might want to prepare before the conversation that you know will be coming.  By practicing, the three step process will become easier and more natural.  It’s a great process anytime you’re encountering people who react to – rather than discuss – situations.

Do you have some tips to share?  What’s worked for you in the past?  Leave a comment below.

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