Who?

December’s blogs are devoted to dealing with difficult people.  December can be a difficult month filled with expectations, pressure to get more done, and enough stress to fill a lifetime.  It seems to me I encounter more difficult people during December than any other month of the year.  It could be I notice more, have less patience or interact with more people during December.

From what I’ve learned, it starts with who I am in the moment.  Have you watched the Wizard of Oz lately?  If you remember, there’s Glenda, the good witch of the north, or the wicked of the east.  At any given moment we may have our good witch and our bad witch with us – and sometimes it’s hard to know who will show up.  Following are some thoughts if you’re finding difficult people showing up.

Thought 1:  Are you difficult?  If you’re in a mood for whatever reason, good or bad, you will lead with these emotions.  Others pick up on your attitude and mood.  It’s difficult for others to be pleasant and cooperative if you’re a grump.  Emotions, mood and attitude are the keys to dealing with difficult people.  When you have these in control you’re ready to face anyone who doesn’t.

Thought 2:  Luggage.  Everyone carries around baggage from their past, their culture and how they were raised.  Most don’t share our exact background experience and sensibilities.  If you were raised by the LOUD family, dinners may be more sport and competition than peace and quiet valued by others.  Smells, colors, music and words can take people back to their childhoods conjuring up emotions, good and bad – which come forward stronger during holidays and stressful times.  Look beyond those emotions coming from others – ignore them rather than trying to deal with them.  They may be temporary.

Thought 3:  Values.  Racing around with too much to do causes people to prioritize what is most important.  When everyone around you is working on what is most important, with little time to do it, you’ll encounter some pretty strong convictions and emotions.  Think about the parent who rushes in at the last minute to get the latest “have to have” toy, there is one left on the shelf and two hands reach out for it.  Contrast that with picking up the same toy in April with ten deep to choose from.  Which situation will most likely be more civil.  Compound these situations many fold and you’ll encounter some pretty difficult people.

Thought 4:  It’s about them.  When someone is being difficult it is about them, not you.  You will not know what just happened – traffic, a boss yelling, an argument with a spouse.  While you may be the recipient of the difficulty, it’s rarely about you so don’t take it personally.

During this holiday season, when encountering those difficult people, check to make sure you’re not the difficult one.  Put on an extra blanket of understanding.  Don’t make an issue of every affront, and share a kind word, when you can.

What do you do when encountering a difficult person?  How do you calm your frustration?  What tips can you share to help us all get through the holidays?  Share your comments below.

To print this or any other post, click the first icon in Share the Knowledge below.  To TWEET this, use the tweet button above!